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Mindfulness

Body: Post Break-Up

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Like many people, I feel insecure about various parts of my body. I’m in my mid-twenties, I work full-time in a public affairs role, and I live in a major city – all of which contribute to self-scrutiny. During my last romantic relationship, I spent a lot of time and energy in showering, exfoliating, shaving and deep-conditioning my hair, and had a four-step, twice-a-day skin care regimen I didn’t dare skip. I was taking care of my body, as it felt necessary. I spent two to three evenings a week in a Pilates mat class or running on an elliptical machine at my neighborhood gym. I practiced yoga at least once a week.

I thought a lot about what I could do about the parts of myself I felt self-conscious about, like my hormonal acne and the cellulite on my thighs. I was constantly researching new potential “solutions” to these “problems”. I thought that if I could fix these things, if I could stay in good shape, I would continue to be attractive to my partner.

Said partner ended our relationship, and the factors listed above were not among the reasons why. All the same, I have a vivid, visceral memory of the week following the break-up, during which I sat on the floor of my bathroom, crying, thinking of all of the time I had spent debating between purchasing the expensive hair mask sitting on my shower rack, thinking that he would appreciate the scent of my hair more after use.

In the depths of my sadness, I remembered to go to the gym, through the motions on my routines, and spend time and money on personal care. I continued to feel less than confident about my body, because despite all of the above, I’d lost what I had cared about. At a low point, I had the irrational thought that my body had somehow betrayed me. Why wasn’t this formulaic devotion to body care good enough to remain attractive to my former partner?

But as the months went on, and I continued to hit my mat for yoga and Pilates classes, I realized that I was starting to care less about how I looked, and more about how I felt. I felt less insecure, and more grateful for the ability to move and be active. I started to care less about what other people see, and more about what I see and more importantly, how I feel.

Through exercise, meditation and careful thought, I’m addressing my insecurities, but for myself. With a lot of self-searching, I’ve found that it’s more important for me to feel at home in my body than it is to make it agreeable to someone else.

Man running at the track
Man running at the track

4 Misconceptions About Meditation

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The other day I was asked to teach a 30min mindfulness session to a corporate company that promotes wellness. As usual in my session, I start with an introduction about what the session will be about, how long it will be and what I expect of people.

It strikes me every time how people react with surprise when I tell them how the session will take place. It seems that people have expectations of what meditation should be, and how it is actually practiced. The following four misconceptions are the ones generally met with surprise:

1) You cannot move during mediation.
Yes you can, if you feel discomfort or tension, please do move! Meditation is not here to punish you. You are a living, breathing human being. Your heart beats, your blood pumps, you are not stone. You can move.

2) You have to sit – cross-legged and upright.
No, not at all. People tend to react with great astonishment when I say that during mediation, you can even lie down. Just make sure your upper body is aligned as it helps with the breathing. An aligned body means an aligned breath. Other than that, be as comfortable as you like. Some people find cross-legged comfortable and others don’t. How can you focus on breathing if you are in pain? Sit however is comfortable for you. Heck, I sometimes even walk when meditating. You do you.

3) You have to have your eyes closed.
Sometimes I mediate with my eyes open. I like to just gaze down and focus on a point in front of me. At times I just don’t feel like it, and I don’t know why. Perhaps I am not in the right mindset or don’t feel comfortable enough in my surroundings. But the point is that you just don’t get distracted. You can gaze where you want as you want as long as you have a soft focus and don’t wonder around with your eyes to get distracted.

4) You have to fully emerged in the meditation.
People tend to look at me with utter surprise when I tell then they can drink during meditation. It’s best to have a cup of tea with you or a water. Sometimes we sit there and notice: Damn, I am perished or hungry. These are just your bodily needs and that is fine. You can drink anytime, you can pop out of the meditation and join back in – it should be to your comfort at your time and your pace.

Mediation is your time for you. Do it so it feels like its benefiting you and do it with no judgement. Its about accepting whatever comes up in that moment and not about punishment or perfection.

man and woman meditating on yoga mats in studio

To learn more about my services or about general topics in life I stumble on – follow my blog on nikafiguringitout.wordpress.com

The paradox around the word “Mindful”

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The word mindful seems to indicate two things – that’s it’s about your mind and it’s about it being full just by the nature of how the word is constructed. It seems to mean an exercise where you keep your mind full. Where mindfulness is actually about the opposite.

child meditating

I believe that leads to a lot of misconceptions about mindfulness. It makes it seem like a brain focused exercise. Yet mindfulness actually focuses on making sure you are aligned in your spirit, mind and body. It takes the focus that is in your brain and brings it away from going in circles. Which it tends to do, since we are so focused on our cognitive capabilities. It has a lot to do with the way society is built these days, you would think we are a mass of minds. Our times are known as the “Age of Information’ – the driving force behind it being the internet, bringing us newer and faster forms of entertainment, commerce, research, work, and communication. Most jobs only focus on using your intelligence, education is set up to focus on your brain power – skills when it comes to your body and spirit are less asked for and wanted. It is natural almost to think that we are only minds and only needed for our knowledge.

But what people tend to forget is that your mind is only as good as your body. You cannot think straight if you are in pain, you cannot be logical if you are suffering from mental distortions, there are so many elements that impact us as a package that we are – mind, body and spirit (some call it soul). So how do you get out of your head and better connected with your body? Mindfulness. Because what mindfulness means is being aware of your mind taking over, and moving this focus to the other part that make you a whole.

One exercise is for example scanning your body from the top of your head down to your toes – seeing what areas may house tension and what other areas feel tension free. It’s a way of getting in tune with your body we tend to neglect. I do this every day and find it surprising over and over again which areas of my body feel tension. Sometime pain arises that I am not even sure how I managed to get a good night’s sleep. It is scary how much of our body and its signals we tend to push aside to enable our minds to deliver. An important thing to remember is that aligned body means an aligned mind.

Another exercise is even more simple – it’s just asking yourself how you feel. And not stopping at “good”  or “fine” – those terms do not suffice. There is no benefit of lying to yourself. Check in with your spirit by making your emotions aware to yourself. Sometimes we find we are doing much better than we thought, which leads to more happiness and sometimes things arise we know we need to work on or address so we can be happy in the long run. Remember not to be judgmental or to force yourself to feel any different. Often just being there for yourself and acknowledging your feelings will do wonders for your spirit.

So be mindful in the sense of what it truly means – being aware of yourself, your body, mind and spirit.

Read more about every day topics and tips on how to manage life at nikafiguringitout.wordpress.com

 

 

A Plea for all Parents to Practice Yoga

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The pressure on parents is actually insane. I’m serious. 

Overwhelmed? Yeah, You and Everyone Else

Mother and Daughter meditating on yoga mats
Mother and Daughter meditating on yoga mats

If you have kids and are completely stretched beyond your limit often, as in every-other-minute-often, you’re not abnormal. It’s a lot. And as if it wasn’t hard enough to take care of ourselves in a healthy, consistent, responsible, mentally stable kinda-way, now we have all of that, PLUS additional micro-humans to care for constantly. Micro-humans who cannot be trusted with a fork, let alone trusted to understand that we need things too- like a break occasionally, or a trip to the bathroom without needy little fingers and/or a curious eyeball peeking underneath the space between the closed door and the floor. But that’s not all. Oh-em-gee, THE JUDGEMENT that is tied to being a parent today is just paralyzing. If you formula-feed your baby, you’re lazy, clearly don’t possess maternal qualities, and probably should’ve bought a parakeet instead. If you breastfeed in public, you’re scarring every young male that sees you for life and is destining each one to a lifetime of debilitating porn addiction. If you vaccinate your kids, you’re letting Big Pharma inject cancer and autism into your precious babies for their corporate financial gain. Giving your child’s losing team a trophy will certainly make him entitled and he will be smoking a Juul by the time he is twelve. Don’t let your kids’ schools teach about global warming, but if you do, make sure your children know it’s caused by the parents who use disposable diapers and plastic straws. You get the point. It’s honestly maddening. So that’s why I hate to add one more “to-do” of never-ending, confusing parenting “do’s and don’ts” into the universe. But I have to, I really do. 

Practice Makes Perfectly Imperfect

Here goes: if you’re a parent, especially a mom, and even more especially a stay-at-home-mom, and you’re not practicing yoga, you’re doing it wrong. Very, very wrong.

What better way to find softness while living in a relentless state of being overwhelmed and under-slept than to spend an hour hanging out with your soul? An hour of concentrated peaceful self-love that includes a nap at the end?! Sign me up.

There’s just no better bang for your buck as far as sanity replenishment goes. I’ve been teaching yoga for a few years now, and regardless of what format I am guiding, I always begin the first few minutes of class in total silence. Even for me the instructor, those first moments, after a day that was surely bat-shit crazy, feel like a warm hug. Before I discovered my practice, as a stay-at-home-mom, my kids would run me ragged from before sunrise to after sunset and during all hours of the night. I kept active and worked out, but did psycho workouts like cardio kickboxing and spin classes. My body was in shape but my mind was absolutely, hopelessly, horrifically frazzled. I was checking off all the boxes, or so I thought, but something was missing. It wasn’t until I immersed myself in yoga that I realized that what I was yearning for was connection. Connection to my breath, my soul, and my body in a way that was dynamic, ever-evolving, and liberating as hell.

Get Lost in Space

How can we be available to our children if we are not available to our children? The only way to find the space needed to function, especially while being continuously pummeled by the intensity of parenthood, is to have space in general. It begins with the breath. It’s so simple. Not easy, but simple. Our minds become so entangled with the knots that life tie that things become foggy, our judgment becomes skewed, and we’re not doing anyone any justice, especially our children. It truly starts with just noticing that you are alive, that you are actually here in the present moment even if your brain may be tricking you into thinking otherwise, and the easiest way to do that is to notice your inhales and exhales. In time, that awareness can be linked to movement, which is a whole new level of magical, and in even more time, you may even be able to achieve the most advanced tier of yoga yet, which is really, really hard but really, really effective. No, it’s not a one handed-handstand with full lotus legs. It’s where you literally just sit quietly with your eyes closed and confront the depths of yourself. It’s called meditation, and that’s actually the goal. All of that movement and life-changing breaking-of-habits and sweating and growing and learning to just attain the ability to stand yourself for long enough to just… sit. It’s wild.

Self-Care at its Finest  

Parents, and stay-at-home parents, in particular, don’t have much choice but to givegivegivegivegivegivegive, it’s the nature of the job. Sure, there are special moments with your children, moments that make your heart feel like it very well might explode right out of your chest, but those moments are fleeting and tantrums and poop-filled diapers tend to demand a higher percentage of your attention. It can be so consuming. What yoga teaches is self-care, but in a different way. Sure, a consistent yoga practice will make you strong, leaner, and more flexible, but its real value comes in learning how to observe. As parents, our plans are consistently thwarted and frustration likely ensues. Say your toddler scribbles all over your new dining room table with a Sharpie, or you find out your teenager ditches school and goes to the mall instead. Now, imagine you have the capability, first, to not react, but to observe. Take a breath. Even for just a moment or two. Think of all the extra damage that could be avoided by taking just a second instead of flying off the handle immediately. Think of how much more effective we could be as parents if we constantly honed the tool of awareness and perspective. THAT is self-care, knowing that your reactions have ramifications, and putting the work in to make sure you are setting you and your family up for success later. And, that’s what you learn on your mat and why I’m urging parents everywhere to give it a go. Maybe selfishly because I know that more mindfulness will result in a better world, a world with less judgment about how much Cookie Crisp my son eats, but also I see it. I see the disheveled mom who runs into class two minutes late using her preschooler’s sippy cup as a water bottle because probably nothing else was clean, and I see how her soul soaks up the opportunity to just “be”. I know for myself that when all the things that I am most grateful for start to feel like the things I am least grateful for, my soul is getting dehydrated and I need a quenching round-house kick to the third eye via yoga, especially with an instructor who gets it- there are a lot who don’t, but that’s a topic for another time. 

Yoga for the People. Especially You.

So, whether or not you co-sleep, use pacifiers, or keep your kids in their rear-facing car seats until they’re eleventeen, it doesn’t matter. This is my plea, go to yoga. Take a class. Try a video at home. Step that beautiful, unique body onto your mat and begin the lifelong journey of getting to know yourself. Because while stretching is encouraged, the goal is to bend, not break. 

The Fall Equinox & Yoga

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The Fall Equinox brings the transition from Summer to Fall. Transitions bring to mind the word change – this is a time for the closure of a cycle. During this transition, you can take the time to identify what you learned since the summer solstice and what are lessons you’d like to keep as you come into fall. An Equinox is when the daylight is the same as the darkness. Afterwards, we begin our descent into darkness. We use these seasons as an opportunity to turn inward and reflect on how we feel when the sun isn’t always shining.

The first day of Fall also coincides with the beginning of Libra season – symbolized by the scales. How can you invite balance back into your body and mind? We all exist with the duality of the Universe: masculine and feminine energies, light and darkness, yin and yang, peace and chaos. Identify where you feel your life could use more balance and work on bringing this balance into your life with the support of the seasons and stars.

How can we align ourselves with the Fall Equinox?

Many of us are probably not looking forward to shorter, darker days and longer, colder nights. However, this is Nature’s invitation to slow down. Shorter days mean less time for doing everything and more time for being still; and in the darkness, you might find it easier to find your light within. The Autumnal Equinox is the perfect time to reflect on what hasn’t served us and to practice letting go. To set new intentions for the season ahead, and to spend some time grounding, connecting with nature, and finding balance. Reflect on the following questions:

  • What areas of your life need more balance? How can you cultivate this balance? What do you need to change about your current lifestyle?
  • What have you harvested this year? What are you grateful for? Who helped you achieve a bountiful harvest? How can you thank them?
  • What cycles are you ready to free yourself from? What can you do differently to create more joyful cycles?
  • What lessons have you learned this past year? How can these lessons further your journey in healing and in finding strength?

Meditations, Intentions, and your Yoga Practice

  • Start a meditation practice if you don’t already have one. Start with 10 minutes every morning to just check in with yourself; your body, your breath, the fluctuations of your mind.
  • Take walks through nature by yourself or with a loved one. Reflect on how the changes outside affect your mood & body.
  • Cook yourself a meal. Be intentional with ingredients, with the way you prepare your food. Inviting love into your cooking will invite love into your body as you digest.
  • Really tune into your body as you practice. Start seated, feel your sit bones rooted down into the Earth. Take your practice a bit slower so that you can really give yourself time to feel how each subtle movement and muscle activation can change how your body feels. Try some balancing postures, notice how when you make subtle adjustments if that makes you fall or feel stronger – how can you apply this to your life? When you make subtle changes, you can cause yourself to fall or to feel stronger and more balanced. Take it inward. Do what feels best for your body and makes you feel strong. And remember when you fall, you can always get back up and try again.

All the luck as we begin this journey as a collective! You got this, Yogis! I hope you find intentions that help you release, let go, and find a balanced sense of grounding during these months. Leave comments for rituals you’ve found help you prepare for these colder and darker months!

Much love!

Cayla

Mat as Mirror

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Person Rolling Green Gym Mat

My yoga mat changed my life. 

For a lifelong athlete– once a tennis player, once a power-lifter and (always) a competitor– that statement carries a lot of weight. 

I spent the majority of my childhood and early adulthood in grueling, miserable workouts, in every variety and shape you can imagine. Swimming, sprinting, strength-training… you name it, I did it. In my formative years, these efforts were primarily aimed at increasing my performance in my tennis game, or later, in power-lifting and competition-based workouts. But as life moved on and these “end-goals” dropped off, I found I carried the same drive and mentality when approaching general fitness and health. If I didn’t feel to the point of collapse after a workout, or any type of physical activity, it was a waste of time. If I didn’t push myself so hard I felt my lungs would burst, I would be better off not doing anything. If I didn’t work out at least six times a week, I had failed that week in my health goals.

Of course, this level of physical exertion is unsustainable. Of course, I didn’t know that. And one fateful day, I injured myself in a workout and everything changed. At first, I didn’t think anything serious was wrong. I’d had injuries before and knew how to deal with them. So, I took it easy for a week, did some minor workouts for another week, then was back in full swing the week after–despite lingering pain. 

But that pain never went away. I wasn’t in a position in my job or my life to admit to or deal with a serious injury, so I did what I always did: worked hard, and put the pain away. I did that for a long, long time. I learned, however unconsciously, to compensate around my injury, to avoid things that made it worse– until the pain so bad, so loud and terrible, that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I finally went to see a doctor, and the therapies began. Every possible therapy and medication for chronic pain, I’ve tried. Every non-surgical procedure, I’ve had; every kind of pain-specialized doctor, I’ve been to. And none of it helped. In fact, these things only revealed the extent and depth of my injury, and other serious health issues that had also gone unnoticed before in my body. 

And then I stepped onto a yoga mat. 

I loved the physical practice at once, finding the asanas strengthening areas in my body I had never before considered. I learned to find flexibility and strength to support my injury, and relief from compensating around it for so long.

But practicing, at first, was still an extension of my old mindset. Each pose had to be done perfectly, and as challenging as possible–if I wasn’t tired and drenched in sweat by the end, my time had been wasted. I would snicker during chants of “Om,” tune out the instructors telling me to breathe, to find balance in my efforts; to seek internal and external harmony. What did they know, anyway?

Something kept drawing me back to the studio, more than just the physical asana and the respite from pain it provided. I began to soften in my listening around what my teachers had to say, beyond just calling poses and alignment cues. One particular phrase stuck with me: “Your mat is a mirror into your life.”

Was it? 

Was my jaw-clenching practice a mirror of how I approached my life? Were my endless efforts, my fixation with failures and shortcomings on my mat a reflection of my who I was as a person? 

I wrestled with these questions as I kept chipping away at the asanas, delving deeper into self-inquiry and the practice of mindfulness. I noticed some days that my practice was more difficult, drawn-out and painful; my mind unfocused and wondering when the class would be over. Coincidentally, these were also hectic days of high stress, either at work or in my personal life. With introspection and the ever-present mantra “mat as mirror” in my mind, I began to connect a pattern with how I handled stress– or rather, let stress handle me. I worked, (and am still working!), on finding peace and solace amidst difficult situations, picturing myself as a force against them and not them against me. Similarly, I try to picture myself as a force in my yoga practice when it becomes challenging, not the challenge controlling me. 

Other personality traits, both negative and positive, became apparent as I tested this mantra “mat as mirror.” I already knew that I loved to work hard, but I found that I didn’t know where to let ease balance my efforts. My mat showed me that I didn’t know how to give myself a break, to show grace and love towards myself, and not push away pain or fatigue. It was (and still is!) an active reminder to myself as I practice, to let ease into my life and body when I need it, to cultivate “sthira sukha” as a lifestyle and philosophy.

Another notable example of “mat as mirror” was my self-talk throughout my practice, specifically as I held balance poses. I remember thinking, “you will fall, you will fall,” every time I came close to losing my balance; and, consequently, I would fall. I identified my self-talk in other life-situations was comparably negative or defeatist, whether about my ability in a task at work or in my relationships. I consciously began to change my inner dialogue around balance poses; instead thinking “you are strong and stable.” This shift in my daily practice on my mat is slowly transferring into my everyday life, and I have found myself more at ease and confident as a result. 

The wonderful thing about this practice is that it gives us the chance to do all of this inquiry, self-examination and introspection–and to start anew each day. “Mat as mirror” has become integral to who I am as a person, as a practitioner, and now as a teacher– a daily reminder for myself and my students. We are complete beings–the same person, the same body in every situation; we cannot remove parts or dilute ourselves based on external factors.

Our mats, and our practice, hold power and potential beyond the mere physical postures. Are we pushing ourselves too hard, past simple discomfort into pain? Do we do that in other areas of our lives? Or are we not pushing ourselves hard enough, giving up when challenges arise? Is that likewise how we handle difficulties outside the studio?

My yoga mat has been a gateway to freedom, empowerment, and self-discovery. It is a mirror I hold to myself daily, not solely for deep, personal inquiry, but sometimes just for a mood check or a body scan–how I’m feeling or moving. My mat reveals truths about all parts of my life that are sometimes too shrouded or elusive; it reminds me to stay present and connected in my body. It has (and still is) working on me just as I work upon it, showing me who I am and reminding me that I am not fixed or immutable. 

My mat is my mirror. 

My mat changed my life. 

How To Transform Lack.

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To some degree we’ve heard the age-old adage, “change your thoughts, change your life.” This adage has helped thousands if not millions of people to personally transform their lives from a lacking consciousness to an abundant consciousness. This transcendent teaching tends to assists us with our relationships, our careers, our desired outcomes for any sector of our life—which in its own right is fulfilling. We’re instructed to think positively, place a smile on our face and feel good—the rest will take care of itself. For most of us living in the western society; this approach becomes limiting and leaving feeling vexed, because we’re not reaping the results we’re desiring. In the western world, we’re required to take an active role, and we must be willing to take action. But what if I were to tell you that you can take an active role within your life and co-create the reality in-which garners the results you desire? In this article we’ll discuss the core various sectors of our life. More importantly, we’ll explore our mental landscapes, which shape our thoughts, emotions, actions, habits, and how to change them! 

 

The Unconscious Mind: 

 

Psychologist Carl Jung refers to our unconscious mind as the shadow. It is said that our shadow is a projection of the darker aspects of our thinking, and the core beliefs that we tend to hide. It’s believed that if the shadow remains unconscious; we’ll play out the patterns and beliefs directly correlated to our mind. The unconscious mind is never satisfied no matter how much it’s fed. Our unconscious mind must be heard, and it always finds avenues to express itself. Due to the duality to life, our thinking contains both negative and positive—which creates both negative and positive actions. It’s our job to manage our shadow, and take back our power by empowering ourselves to observe our unconscious patterns, and transforming them. In-turn we change our life experiences. Changing our thinks enables us to witness exactly how we’ve created our life circumstances, where we’ve felt powerless, and where we choose to not take responsibility for ourselves.  

 

Finances: 

 

Due to the unconscious mind seeking lack, lack tends to show up in parts of our lives we’re completely unaware of. When we look at the psychology of the pay check to pay check mentality—we can witness the lack of skill pertaining to saving, investing, innovating, and creating multiple streams of income. When someone lives from one pay cycle to the next, the story that runs through their mind is: “there’s not enough” or “I have to wait to get enough” and “I am not enough.” These fundamental unconscious beliefs create our external experiences. If we believe we’re lacking because we’re not enough, we tend to treat our money transactions as such. For example: When your monthly budget allows you $250.00 of play money, and you choose to spend $450.00 which is $200.00 over the monthly budget. The overage causes set- backs in other areas (robbing Peter to pay Paul). This set back follows us until next month—having to deduct the overage. By our programming we’re going to spend over the amount and the setbacks continue—placing us in a cycle. On the outside looking in—we’d say, just don’t spend more than your monthly budget and you can save, and invest or create over time. But, having thoughts that fuel our patterns we repeat this cycle and reinforce the belief that we don’t have enough. To undo this pattern, we have to become aware of our thoughts about money and actively change our relationship with money. Every penny we spend must be accounted for and we must change the narrative. Instead of drowning in finical lack, first begin to observe exactly what thoughts and emotions are triggering you to feel as though you aren’t enough. Then take note of the behavioral patterns that you elicit from those thoughts. Then and only then can you take the proper steps to reprogramming your mind. Now we must introduce our mind to an abundant mindset. First let’s dispel the myth of abundance, so that we can get into what abundance is.  

 

Abundance: 

 

Abundance isn’t just waking up feeling good and simply allowing only good things come to us. We live in a material world that has laws, and these laws govern our human existence. We’re not supreme beings that dictate the sun and stars movement. We don’t have the ability to control the weather or nature. However, there is some truth to waking up and feeling good about ourselves. Abundance by its very nature is connected to us. Abundance can be anything from good health, joy, peace, prosperity and much gain. To activate this feeling of abundance; our thoughts and emotions must be congruent with the actions we choose to take externally. If we want to make more money, we need to understand money. Example: Instead of spending $200.00 on things that I don’t truly need, let’s ask ourselves: “how best can I invest my money?” “How is this transaction assisting my abundant lifestyle?” These questions are truly life changing, because we’re changing our relationship to money—which activates our ability to give and receive openly and lovingly.  

 

Relationships: 

 

The nature of our relationships contains both conscious and unconscious elements within the dynamic. When entering into a relationship with a lack mentality, we tend to attract and cling to people who reflect abandonment, self-avoidance, martyrdom, neglect, suffering, deception, dishonesty, betrayal. Our unconscious belief that we’re lacking shows up in our partners behavioral patterns—which we attempt to normalize dysfunctional bonding and call it love.  

 Spiritual teacher, counselor, tv show host and New York Times Best-selling author Iyanla Vanzant believes that relationships are where we go to heal. Primarily this has to do with our unconscious patterns, programming becoming conscious as we learn to connect deeper within ourselves. As we become conscious, we slowly begin to integrate abundance within our relationships. We understand that we don’t have to remain in an unhealthy relationship that is no longer serving our needs. In-turn life provides us with lessons that teach us what our needs are, and we begin to fulfill them. Our partners have the option to do the work as well, or they can remain in their current state of consciousness—we then choose how we’d prefer to empower ourselves from victim to victor. The core beliefs we come to understand is: there is enough, I am enough, I am worthy of a healthy relationship, I have the ability to get my needs met; and once we choose to embody our core beliefs–we’re bestowed with partnerships that share this commonality. First, we have to do the work, and not get attached or disheartened at our current state of lack.  

 

Career: 

 

The career sector of our life can be a tricky one, because we understand that our career is solely connected to our ability to generate financial stability. At the very least, we must have a job and make money to survive—there’s no magical thinking that can make this reality disappear. When we’re approaching our life, we must get radically clear on our career, vocation, and hobby. Example: I am a writer that creates content, edits, etc. My vocation is fiction writing, and my hobby is poetry. Career for most people is a set of skills that you get paid for—which doesn’t require deep, profound passion and love. The primary function for career is to pay the bills. Vocation on the other hand is something that we love, and most of the times it provides emotional fulfillment. We use our vocation to expand our creativity and sharpen our minds. Hobbies are what we fill our free time with; which can be anything. There’s no logical or reason for our hobbies. By getting clear on career, vocation, hobbies—We then can organize our life accordingly. When we’re generating lacking beliefs about any of these areas for ourselves, we find ourselves limited, which can make us feel isolated and stuck. By fulfilling each area carefully, we begin to create more and more abundance for ourselves.  

 Interestingly enough, many vocations have potential to generate abundance, but the issue that arises is; fear of not having enough. Are you willing to invest into that art project? More importantly are you willing to understand the business model behind the project? Can you market yourself? Are you willing to require payment for your vocation? If so, how much are you worth? When I ask people these questions, most recoil, because they’re now responsible to become the abundant version of themselves; which doesn’t permit them to make excuses as to why their vocation can’t make them money.  

 

In the end, we all have the potential to transform our lives, because we’re all worthy of abundance. It’s never a matter of class, ethnicity, and status—although we can’t deny that injustice in-fact happens in the world at large. Now that you’re aware on how to change your life from lack and scarcity to abundance and prosperity; you must now take the steps and be the epitome for others out there. Though you will have your challenges, and often times question how real is abundance, and even want to give up—take that step, take it now. Now is always and forever all we will ever have.  

[Read more…] about How To Transform Lack.

On Living Your Best Life

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It’s funny as I sit here writing this I have in the background manifest affirmations playing and I am really contemplating my own life and am I truly living “my best life?”

I am currently working toward finishing off my first year in fitness! I have been teaching a variety of classes beyond yoga. These have ranged between mat pilates, myofascial release, cycle, and now cardio HIIT classes. I had to add additional certifications to teach these classes and even then I have not stopped growing! I am currently, along with my chemistry class, working on my certifications in personal training and corrective exercise. If you had told me a year ago this is what I would be doing before I started my YTT I would’ve laughed at you and said that would be crazy!

A year ago I was far from “living my best life,” I was a special education teacher in a private high school that specialized in working with severe social and emotional disabilities. I was doing something I liked, educating. However, despite my amazing group of coworkers, I was going home stressed and in tears every night. Sometimes I would barely make it to the car! I felt I was not making enough of an impact on my students and that as much as I wanted to help I wasn’t. This was the sign that I officially drove myself to total burnout. I was going on to finish my 4th year in education and had just dealt with the trauma of having my first miscarriage. Let’s just say it was the universe forcing myself to really reflect as to where I was going and what truly was going to make me happy.

Often times we want to settle for what is comfortable. We bite our tongue or try to shut our brains up thinking, “hey, I am ok with this. This will pay the bills and leave my family comfortable.” We stick with what is easy and what we have been doing because there’s a safe feeling that covers us like an old blanket.

It’s not only in just our minds but also when we talk to people in our surroundings as well. My parents for example pushed me to continue the school year. They told me going part time right now would be foolish and irresponsible despite how unhappy I was. It wasn’t until I called my mom in tears and explained everything in my job and what was going on where she finally agreed for me to put in my notice. We reach out to people in our support systems to either “talk sense” into us, or to reinforce what we are thinking. My family’s favorite statement to me was “you only speak to us about these things once you’ve made up your mind, why do you want us to fight your decision?” At which point I laughed, because in all reality this is what we do. We like bouncing things off of each other to hear every part of our choice because our brain can’t possibly do it all at once on its own. Despite making a decision already, because you never know…maybe they say something you haven’t thought yet. Sometimes your supports reinforce that blanket because they think that is the best way to make sure you are safe and supported. So they tuck you in further into your comfort blanket and you get settled in.

Here’s the best advice I can give, the life lesson I gained from all this:

Sometimes it’s when we let the blanket go that we really start to thrive!

I made the decision to try working part time as a special education teacher and was denied working the hours at the school so I gave a months noticed and signed up for another prerequisite so I could finally work towards my doctorates in physical therapy. This is something my mom had been pushing for because she knew I had wanted this since high school, but life happens and sometimes you go with a shorter path because you want to be that independent woman right away instead of grinding it out for what seems like eternity to then gain success.

In those 4 years of my “independent” life I was upset, stress, anxious, and overall unhappy. I did not feel I was living the life I was meant to. Though teaching had its happy moments it wasn’t over 60% of the time. This should’ve been the sign to go. When March rolled around I started working as a fitness instructor and dog walking part time to really focus on my studies. The concern that I wouldn’t be able to make it? Well guess what? I did well!

The fitness hustle is real, but I was enjoying teaching yoga and then mat pilates, and now cycle too. I began falling in love with what I did. I would find myself getting excited  having discussions with friends about fitness. I would talk about the types of exercises and what they can do to aid with certain tight muscles, how the body moves and other life stuff. I for the first time ENJOYED talking bout the work and didn’t find myself complaining 100% of the time about how tough and hard my job was. I was even told it looks like I lost 20 lbs, even though it had only been a week away from teaching!

That’s when I knew I was on the right path. But how does this all apply to you? How can what has happened for me so far make any meaningful change in your life?

The start to living your best life is simple – ask yourself with everything you do:

Does this light me up? 

  • Yes – do it!
  • No – toss it!
  • Eh? Maybe?  – reflect and set it aside for some time. It’s like the love bird analogy, if you come back to it, it is meant to be!

This is the first part to slowly remove the choke hold the “comfort blanket” has over you. If you can categorize your life into these three categories you’ll start to find a pattern in the things that do light your fire and slowly start to go down that path.

Of course, there are always things we hate, like bills, that just need to be a part of life, but that doesn’t mean you cannot work in an area that lights your fire. I have slowly found that even working part time I am able to make ends meet because I am happy to work more hours teaching these fitness classes then when I was working an easier schedule teaching. I am happy to drive around and hustle the way I need to because it is something that lights my fire.

When you’re doing something you love, you don’t work a day in your life and that is true. This is the definition of living your best life.

Healing Anxiety Through Mediation

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woman meditating in lotus pose
woman meditating in lotus pose

For most of us, it’s common to wake up and immediately feel stressed out about the day ahead. Bogged down with endless to do lists, responsibilities, daily practicalities; anxiety begins to loom over us, and we can’t fathom taking a moment to ourselves to truly connect, and when we do, we’re faced with re-living our anxiousness.
Suddenly, we read an article, or watch a YouTube from one of our favorite influencers—that tells us the benefits of mediation. We’re told everything from sound peace of mind, stress management, healthier mental process, etc. But we’re not sold. If life could only be so…Simple. Even though we’re not convinced, we attempt at mediation. What harm could it cause? After all, five or ten minutes in the morning is harmless right?
Finally, we find ourselves listening to guided mediations, and breathing exercises by some of the top spiritualist, thought leaders. Slowly we can see the changes in our moods, attitudes. As time progresses, we’re thinking positive, enjoying the benefits of putting the dedication, and hard work we’ve committed to ourselves.
And then… Life happens.
Something that we weren’t expecting to happen, does. Our day becomes unmanageable, we’re struggling in some aspect of our life, and the anxiety resurfaces. The feelings of powerlessness meet’s us in our need to get everything done, but the problem is… We don’t know how to handle the emotions that we’re processing—which leads us to feel paralyzed. We then believe that perhaps we just need sleep, and we can start over the next day. Until we lay down and discover our anxiety is looming over us like a black cloud.
What happened? You may ask yourself. You thought anxiety was a thing in the past. You’d overcame it and can’t identify with that person who was always on edge, who was so shaking and fragile.

The truth is, it’s easy to feel despair, and lonely when confronting anxiety. We crave control and thrive on it. We return to our mediation practice day after day, hoping that we’ll find ever lasting peace of mind. Perhaps we’ll find our nirvana. But what if I told you that losing control, feelings of despair are a good thing? Yep, that’s right!

I have personally found that mediation is best used as a tool to enable self-exploration that promotes self-awareness, profound inner peace by leaning in and looking at the painful aspects of ourselves dead in the face. Furthermore, as we observe our discontentment and dis-ease, we realize that our psyche is inviting us to embrace these so-called negative aspects that we’d rather judge, flee and abandon.

When we choose to reject feelings of anxiety, despair, discontentment we approach our mediation practice with the intention of resistance. Resistance shows up as: “I must focus on the positive.” This is to say that we spend our mediation time avoiding our truth and become undone the moment our true feelings surface throughout our day. However, we must keep in mind that our mediation practice is ours and this is the space we create for ourselves to be as naked, vulnerable as we need to, and without apology.

By allowing ourselves to lean into our discomfort, we give ourselves permission to feel out of control. Anytime we give ourselves permission to heal by first acknowledging anxiety, we build self-trust and allow feelings to surface without harshly judging ourselves or our mental state.

The moment we can release the need to neglect any part of ourselves and build self-trust— we then find ways to work with what we’re feeling and thinking. As our day progresses and the stress factors show up, we can choose to go with those feelings. Our anxiety becomes our practice by checking in with ourselves and not taking on a victim mentality. The next time you’re in your meditation, simply allow whatever feelings that exist below the surface to arise. This can be feelings of joy, peace, contentment. Or it can be hostility, pain, suffering, resentment, anger, fear. Whatever feeling you experience allow it to come out of you, allow your breath to pull it to the light and dissolve. At first you may that you can’t quiet your mind, and the restless voice that is repeating in your head won’t stop. That voice in your head has a space in your mediation. Give it some love by allowing yourself to hear it out. You will find out that there’s no need to control your thoughts or attempt to make yourself feel anything. Your job is to show up for yourself, and as you address and explore your feelings—you’ll be able to work through it with a new story that frees you from it altogether.
It can be dangerous to force ourselves to paint positivity over our traumas and anxieties, because we don’t allow ourselves to build healthy self-esteem. While it’s true that positive thinking can in-fact change our entire life, and possibly assist in our healing—we can’t skip the steps to building our mental and emotional foundations. When you’re meditating and the same old stories and anxieties come to surface, it can cause us to feel that we’re not getting anywhere. Keep in mind that healing the emotional body and mental landscape is like physical exercise. We don’t get easy results at first—we must earn it. As we persist in our exercise, we slowly begin to witness changes in the body, and we desire to push our bodies to see further growth.
In mediation, we’re not pushing our emotions. We’re setting the stage to examine them, as we consistently do that; we become comfortable with leaning into our emotions. Feeling our emotions helps us deal with our triggers. Our triggers are the body’s reaction to external stimuli. Once we allow ourselves to confront these triggers in our mediation, the body starts its own healing process. The healing process naturally helps us deal with heavy emotional weight such as anxiety.
Healing anxiety through mediation can cause us to feel overwhelmed. There are days we feel extremely happy, and the next day we can feel highly sensitive. This emotional imbalance is a key indicator that our body is regulating itself. Needless-to-say, the body and the emotions are becoming congruent; which is a shock to the nervous system. Keep in mind that your immediate inclination will be to recoil. Instead of recoiling, show up for yourself. You’ll be reminded that you can land safely now that you’re building a healthy self esteem and foundation. So, I invite you to explore, fall and get back up. Do it again, and land.

Alas,
Breath by breath. You find your center.

How To Cleanse and Activate Your Crystals in 5 Steps

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book about crystal healing surrounded by crystals and a buddha vase on a blanket

Hi beautiful souls! with full moon coming up (August 15th) I wanted to share with you steps for cleansing and activating your crystals during this cycle.

Crystals have become very popular over the past couple of years. These beautiful and powerful stones hold the life-giving elements of the Earth and the universe. Harnessing the energy of the Sun, the Moon, and the oceans, they help to create a special connection between us and mother earth.

This is an ancient pagan practice, where a crystal is used to flush out the negative energy and obstacles from a human body. Laying on of stone involves placing crystals on or around the victim in order to remove vetoing energy.

For centuries, crystals and other gems have been desired for their alleged magical healing and mystical powers. This belief continues today among occultists and New Age healers.

Nowadays Crystals are used during holistic practices and alternative medicine such as massage, meditation, and acupuncture. They are put on or around your body to start the healing process. The crystals can act as a channel for healing which can help positive and healing energy flow into the body, causing negative energy to be drawn out. They are known to have been used for prevention of disease and curing of illnesses.

Another great use of healing crystals comes when creating sacred spaces, which will also helps to enhance and support any healing therapies such as meditation, yoga, journaling, and other similar activies. It’s common knowledge that interior design can affect your mood and well-being. The most important aspect of a sacred space is how the energy feels. Every room in your home should feel special and comfortable for your lifestyle and needs, a basic guideline for optimal living and well-being. In particular, your sacred space should serve as the place where you leave behind the chaos of the world, in addition to any negative energy that might be affecting you, and go inward to heal and restore the mind-body-spirit.

In this wonderful world of vibrations, crystal energy helps you on your spiritual journey because it works to hold your intention and remind you of your connection to the Earth. A well thought out intention is the starting point for healing crystals because specific intentions will most likely guide you into your daily thought patterns and will also become part of its energy.

If you’re just beginning to use crystals, a great way to harness their healing power is by using healing stones for manifesting your intentions and what you want to create in your life. 

When choosing your crystals, let your intuition guide you to choose the right healing stones for your spiritual journey. Crystal experts often say that the crystal chooses you instead of the other way around. Take your time, have fun and see what crystals stand out to you. Whether it’s the dazzling colors, sparkles or otherworldly shapes and patterns that draw you in, each crystal has a unique vibrational energy that works to clear blockages and ward off negative energy. It also helps to identify a particular problem or challenge you’re currently facing. 


Finding the right stone is like any practice of wellness. I also like to think of it as a creative and magical experiment. It requires time and patience while you quiet the mind and realign the mind/body balance. Hold the stone in your hand and carefully think of your intention. Notice if you feel sensations such as hot or cold, pulsations, or a sense of peace and tranquility. These are all signs that this particular rock is perfect for your healing needs. Remember- your intuition will be your best friend here!

CLEANSE & ACTIVATE YOUR CRYSTALS IN 5 STEPS

1. WASH THEM WELL.
A simple rinse under the faucet will do here. If you live near the ocean or a stream it’s ideal to wash them there.

2. SET YOUR CRYSTALS OUT.
The ideal time to put them out is just after sunset. A natural surface is best outside. If that isn’t an option put them near a window where they will get direct moonlight. As you set each one down name something you want to let go of. You can name the same thing over and over or pick a different one with each crystal. Don’t name more than 5, it’s too many and will start to lower our vibration. This is a supportive practice that helps to seal in what we are ready to release with this full moon.

3. PULL THEM IN THE NEXT MORNING
It’s nice to give them a little reboot with the sun’s energy, but not for too long. Through sunrise is a great rule of thumb.

4. CHARGE YOUR CRYSTALS WITH INTENTIONS
This is one of my favorite parts of the ritual, it’s even more important than naming what we want to release. Once you have all of your crystals back inside charge them with your intentions. Charging crystals with your energy helps them stay focused. Once they are charged it’s best to not let others handle them (unless you are charging specifically for others or client work) as they will absorb the energy of other people.

You can charge all of your crystals at once by imagining them soaked in healing energy. They can also be charged individually or in groups. It’s really up to you, there is no right or wrong way to charge them, let your intuition be your guide.

Here are some examples of what I am planning for this cycle:

  • Charging Rose Quartz with love to support my relationship.
  • The stones I use with clients will be charged to intensify their healing properties.
  • Smokey Quartz with energy to help me stay grounded during the transition into a new season.

5. CLOSE THE RITUAL
I like to close the cleansing and charging ritual with thank you prayers and white candle. A simple thank you to Mother Earth for the ways she supports our life and a humble bow to the crystals for all of the work that they do. Acknowledging all of the elements that came together to make these healing tools seals in their healing vibrations and reminds us to stay focused on what matters most to our hearts. After giving thanks I burning a little cedar, sage or palo santo to bring in more positive energy and close the ritual.

Allow yourself to be open to exploration. Step into the knowing that magic exists for you no matter what. Our thoughts create vibrations throughout the universe, which makes setting intentions a powerful tool for achieving happiness and well-being. Having a clear purpose provides us with insight into our aspirations, dreams, beliefs and values. It also helps us to focus and live in the present moment instead of being caught in negative thought patterns. Intentions are like magnets. That’s why it’s important to be careful and make sure to choose the appropriate thoughts and desires. Setting an intention is a powerful tool for achieving happiness. Crafting an intention starts by setting goals that align with your values, aspirations, and purpose.

May all your wishes come true!

Footnotes:
https://crystalbenefits.com/crystal-uses
https://www.energymuse.com/
https://crystabelles.bigcartel.com/