distress

Today, anyone who has ever questioned anything about their education or the way they think knows what does and does not cause them distress.  Our egos make sure we are our number one priority, and our internal monologues reflect how we feel and talk to ourselves.  There is power in words, and the feelings they convey, that often reflect our deepest beliefs, the ones we may not even know we have.  These are called core beliefs, and they are the essence of how we see ourselves, and the rest of the world. 

Now is the time to evolve, and thrive, and above all, support each other.  We are long overdue for true healing at the singular and collective level, and it is being shown to us by the world’s pursuit of justice and wellbeing.  Is anyone else asking themselves about the state of civilization: who even are we anymore, and how did we get here? Are we meant to just weather the storms of human existence or actively turn the tide?  This moment in history is not only didactic, waking up all the parts in our psyche rooted in judgment and prejudice, but it serves as a catalyst into the next phase of our history, and it is up to us to write the story of our days.  No more distractions.  The only way out of this intensity, is through it, as the pain of the individual is now purging through the collective.  It is a direct reflection of it.  And I don’t want to go back to sleep.  Do you?

Because of the pandemic, most of us are home.  Many of us don’t have jobs right now, or are waiting to be hired back, and are facing the boredom crisis of just what to do with our time.  It is mandatory now that we observe the patterns we have learned, of bypassing our problems, and listen to the voice within, maybe for the first time.  Humanity at this moment is facing our deepest core beliefs square in the face, and these beliefs are shouting to us all the ways we relate to each other, and also how we have failed in our endeavors to do so.  We have been called to face our fears, our prejudices, and our hatred–of ourselves, and who we perceive as enemies.  And it is difficult to let go of those things, when they make up who we are.  Now we get to see ourselves, all the parts of ourselves, and we don’t like what we see, do we?  The world is being called to change, and we are at the forefront of history, riding uncertain waves of anxiety and even terror at its helm, and seemingly without sails. 

Things are hard, and here in New York barely anything is open.  What is, is not what it was.  There are no gyms or studios open, no outlets for socializing or getting out.  Those great escapes just aren’t there.  The yoga and art community, as well as all businesses and corporations are reassessing their values and reaching out to their community, their people, their students, to say that all rights are human rights, because justice is and always was a spiritual practice.  It’s shocking how many of us have forgotten that.  Now more than ever, organizations want to play a meaningful role in shaping the future, as it is well past the due date for change.  And the shadows have been illuminated, and what was once unconscious is now spotlighted with its own solo dance number.  And it is meant with calls for compassion, and true self care. 

If there’s anything though, that we are being taught, right now, is that we, more than we ever thought we did, want to stand together, in person, to support a cause we believe in, no matter which side.  We want to be together.  And there are so many sides to this story it’s so difficult to keep track.  Every adult who feels me on this had a childhood once, significant life events that have made you question or deal with your life the way only you can. At times it can feel we are trapped by our lives, our pasts, our people.  What was strongly held in our minds could be the very thing damaging us today, or rumbling inside us like a call to action, a transformation, a new focus other than how to acclimate into society, be liked, or show someone who we are.  And it took a time free of distraction to incite all that in us.  Even the laziest, most complacent of us, cannot deny the urge to do…something.  We are hurting each other, needlessly, and the time has come to find another way of being heard, to lead, and to follow. 

Lately, we have been showing up, in the streets, on the interweb, telling our distant relatives and whoever will listen how we feel and who we support, we are ordering groceries, at the auction, crying in the shower, checking our accounts, budgeting, mastering the home gym, on the phone, dusting off old cookbooks, remembering fights from long ago, and absurdly enough, really funny things that you forgot even happened.  We are feeling lonelier than we ever thought possible, purposeless, and afraid.  But we are also curious about ourselves, and noticing our habits, glaring insecurities and true, vehement desires. Where have you missed going or wanted to go?  I miss the movies.  I am someone who has straight up avoided meditating though because I didn’t want to face the quiet thunder inside my mind just yet.  A friend of mine shared she missed the sanctuary of churches.  And I completely understand that feeling.

And have you noticed, in the stillness, the voice in your head getting louder?  That’s your soul trying to break though, calling for change.  Are your heads throbbing with what to do next, for your highest good, for your joy?  And if the inner monologue wasn’t loud enough, reality itself is crumbling around us.  We realize up until this point our focus has been so narrow, and we have desensitized ourselves from violence that does not directly affect us.  Yet it’s been so personal, our comparisons to each other.  We’ve been trying to best others instead of collaborating.  Our worlds are small, like our minds, sometimes. 

Without the actual interaction with society, our contributions to society, our lessons, our income, our learnings, teachings and preaching’s–what is there to focus on?  Where has our routine gone?  Our mindset has shifted, as is the necessity, so we may invent and invest ourselves in our humanity, instead of trying to accomplish everything and gain the privilege of calling ourselves successful.  When your business is your practice, your way of interacting with others, how can we evolve, weed out the bogus inner chatter of pressure, comparison, and judgment?  Should we be at long last, realizing that today’s obstacles could be tomorrow’s opportunities?  We’ll just have to find out what kind, together? And what if your rent is more than a weekly paycheck? What if our fear of the future becomes our forever future?  How do we remember who we could be?

Pestilence is not the only thing digging its way into our lives, wrapping its elbow around our windpipes.  Yet, still, for our safety, we are asked to maintain our distance, honor boundaries, and shift our focus to the space we are taking up right now.  It feels small.  We feel small, and wary of one another.  This is the first step toward change, the awareness of how we’ve been all this time.  And although we are confronted with obstacles, real and existential, we also have the chance to learn, from ourselves, and each other.  We have the chance to share what our human experience has been up to this point, as well as reflect, and decide where we want to go.  We have the chance to unearth all of those emotions we suppress and find out what we really think of ourselves, and the world around us.  What we expect from it, what we give to it, and what we take.  We have the chance to be human and see how much we like it.