Healing through stillness

Have you ever stepped into the darkness, the space you’re afraid to enter? The cosmic unknown? It calls to you the breathe of your spirit, gently whispering for you to step inside. Waiting for your arrival with an open embrace.  I have, and in this space is where my true healing began.

burning candle for meditation
Burning a candle during meditation can be calming.

For me I thought meditation was never going to happen. Easy , soft, gentle, uncomplicated. I wanted to just close my eyes, focus on the dance of my breathe, and float away into bliss. I was struggling, my mind always racing, my breathe short, and shallow, always fidgeting, never able to fully embrace the space. Then it happened, The breakdown. The physical and mental kind of breaking that shuts you down, and you feel as though you can no longer go on this way.  I had so much going on in my body and mind. I was having multiple surgeries, health issues, nursing my mom who didn’t have much time left, as she was battling stage five lung cancer, going to school, and working as a preschool teacher. I also suffer from mild depression, ptsd, and fibromyalgia.  My soul said enough! You need to make some changes, I listened.

This is when I found the silence, the stillness I had been turning away from. I was finally ready to listen to spirit, and free myself from my own self destruction. I was ready to begin the journey to freedom. Freedom from the confines of my own negative thoughts and patterns. I knew deep down I needed to greet, and embrace meditation without any expectations,  to just ebb and flow with the river of my mind and see where spirit guides me.

Meditation and I became best friends, we are now inseparable. No, it was not easy, I had to make it accessible and simple for me. I made it a ritual. I wake every morning with the birds signaling me to rise and embody the day full of joy, curiosity, and compassion. I light my candles, the soft glow warming the space.I brew my tea or coffee, sit in the lovely space I created as my altar welcomes me with objects that move me towards my highest self, and bring me love. These are pictures, poems, crystals, candles, my journals, fresh herbs or flowers from my garden. I burn some sage, get comfortable in my seat, close my eyes, and I begin to focus on my breath. Slow, gentle, deep, and expansive, I begin to explore and bear witness to my body and mind. My heartbeat slows with each inhale, and my body becomes soft with each exhale. I am at peace. I made it

I can’t say this was an easy habit to embrace. Patience and I were strangers, we needed to welcome and hold each other on this journey together. Allowing myself that 10 minutes, some days twenty minutes without  the pressure of doing, just being in the present. Yes, thoughts would float their way in, I would acknowledge them , greet them with grace and acceptance, then watch them float away in contentment.  I would allow my body to feel any sensation that would arise, and not fight it. I would embrace , receive, and let go. In time this meditation, {sometimes silent, sometimes guided} not only connected me with source, but with my most authentic self. In these moments of stillness and quite magic happens for me, I feel alive, I feel love, I feel spirit. I see clearly, and with clarity. I know that I am home, and the door to peace is always open.

Ask yourself, How often do I tend to my own garden, get in the dirt, dig in the soil of my beautiful life, muddle around, soak in the sunshine, water my soul, and watch my journey bloom? When we take the time to sit in stillness, and bear witness  to our souls calling, to walk into the space of unknown, and open our hearts, we can heal. We can love and feel gratitude for the gift of life. In turn, we can radiate this love, and peace to all beings everywhere.

If you are in need of resources to help guide you in your meditation practice, I highly recommend the Namafit website. They are great resource for finding experienced meditation and yoga teachers. I also love guided meditations by Tara Brach, and an awesome read that really helped my meditation practice is “Bliss More”, by “Light Watkins.”

Photo credit George Becker

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